Do I deserve 40?

Hi! Yesterday I turned 40, and this morning I had a life changing realization crack me over the head on the train ride in to work! :-)

I’ve always had trouble with the word “deserve.” I’ve thought of it as being about what the universe does. People see something shitty happen and say, “You deserve better;” I never believed that. Shit happens to everyone. I’ve always said that “deserve” isn’t a useful concept, because who deserves bad stuff? If you “deserve” the good, you must also “deserve” the bad, and if I “deserve” what’s happened to me, then I must be pretty awful. Ergo deserve is bogus. Poof.

But!

I just reframed it as being about the choices I make.

I deserve to be happy. I deserve good supportive friends. I deserve love. A body I’m proud to inhabit, time to help my son grow up, a job that pleases me, a home that delights me, good food, fun hobbies, all of it. These are some of the things I deserve. Not because the universe owes them to me, but because I owe them to myself.

I will be mindful of this as I make choices. I think I will make better ones.