Posted in "Daily" pages Life

Change and Stasis

May 14, 2013 - 11:49 am

David and I have been talking lately about how it feels to act vs. standing still, and how standing still itself is an action. I’ve been thinking about this also with the work I’m doing on and my new habits of meditation and exercise. I listened to a podcast this morning while folding laundry by Jonathan Fields and Majka Burhardt about risk and action and creating a life out of passions, and it blended all of these thoughts. 

The difference seems to me to be in the choosing. It feels *like* it will be more comfortable to remain still than to act when I’m in a time of choosing, and yet stillness is uncomfortable when I’m in it while action is the path to joy. It feels *like* action is risky and scary, and yet the greatest risk and scariest outcome is doing nothing. I feel worst on the days I have given in to the urge to stasis, and best on the days I’ve taken the most action. 

Something I heard the other day somewhere caught my attention. It was something about not trying to think about what I’m doing while I’m doing it, that analysis and action are different activities and mutually exclusive. I feel this. The fastest way to knock myself out of a groove is to start thinking about what it means that I’m doing what I’m doing.

To that end I’ve been ruminating a lot about creating a life. My cynical voice tells me I’ve been doing that more than I’ve been living it. So I’m going to focus on acting more and ruminating less. I can garden or write poetry or work on the website or take a walk or a nap- whatever feels right in the moment. Thinking less about my life and plans and goals, and more about short term active and creative outbursts. 

I have lots to share and lots to give. These things have value. I need most to not worry about the hows and why’s in the short term, and more about the do’s. More creativity and less analysis.

I’ve sort of been shifting in this direction over the past couple weeks. I’m not looking at a todo list during the day, rather I’m journalling things I have done in an ap called “Day One.” Accomplishments and difficulties, successes and failures, whatever happens. I’m making a catalog of my actions, and it’s far more inspiring to read back over that than over any todo list I’ve ever made.

There are times and places when I need to strictly focus and channel my efforts to meet some goal. This is not one of those times. Right now is about setting myself free to run in a million directions at once and try as many things as I can to find what resonates with me and with other people. So I’m off to do. Something. A nap first, I think; being out past midnight saps me. Then perhaps gardening. Beyond that will take care of itself.

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